23 - Babylon and the Destruction of Judah

"So the Lord brought the king of Babylon against them. The Babylonians killed Judah's young men, even chasing after them into the Temple. They had no pity on the people, killing both young men and young women, the old and the infirm. God handed all of them over to Nebuchadnezzar."
2 Chronicles 36:17

Genocide, wanton destruction, forced exodus...somehow easier to stomach when it's two chubby babies fighting!
(source: Nebuchadnezzar fights Zedekiah, Zwiefalten Monastery; Germany) 

This is it! Our last episode with the ancient Hebrews! Everything is coming together here, and while great empires are battling it out, tiny Judah is struggling to survive. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's not looking good. Oh shoot, the title is one big spoiler. Nuts! Ok, ok, umm ignore the title and look at this medieval picture of an angel saving Jerusalem from Sennacherib. Yay they win! Nothing bad ever happens again in Jerusalem!
...
sigh.

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Music Credits
Premium Music: Epic Cinematic Orchestral Oriental Arabic Middle East Impressive Cultures Theme Soundtrack

Resources
Sennacherib relief
Good illustration of the famous Assyrian siege engine
The earthen ramp built by the Assyrians at Lachish
BRILLIANT site for primary sources used here.
Another excellent website, with lots of pictures and primary sources!
The ruins of Nineveh (Google Maps)
Ishtar Gate built by Nebuchadnezzar
Cylinder of Nebuchadnezzar
A little New Yorker cartoon to smile about after the episode ;)

22 - Assyria and the Conquest of Israel

"Then the king of Assyria came up throughout all the land, and went up to Samaria, and besieged it three years. In the ninth year of Hoshea, the king of Assyria took Samaria and carried Israel away into Assyria."
2 Kings 17:5-6

In a future where the Assyrian Empire never fell, only one man and his friends can keep the world safe from evil:
Captain Assyria and the Avengers!
(source: Marvel Comics)

If you want a history of the Assyrians in one easy to digest episode, well here you go! I'll be taking you back to the earliest days of the empire, and then doing a mad dash to where we left off last time. Sure I probably missed stuff, but I've only got one episode to do this! If you're really super interested in learning the details of their awesome empire, may I recommend Scott C.'s, The Ancient World podcast? He does a really bang up job getting into the details of everything, whereas I'm just covering the big things here. Oh and tying it into the fall of Israel. That's kinda where we were supposed to be heading anyway. Two for the price of one!

Also a HUGE thank you to Owen Plant for allowing the use of his music in today's episode! It's sort of funny that I chose the one song that sounds nothing like his other stuff, but his normal fare is smooth, Americana folksy songs, and happy, warm Caribbean reggae. Yeah...you're probably wondering how that would work in today's show too. Welp, just trust me that the song I picked, Patchouli Sid, actually fits in perfectly. Seriously. Have I steered you wrong with the music so far? NOPE. Check out Owen's website here: http://www.owenplant.net/ or preview his music on Soundcloud here: https://soundcloud.com/owenplant


MP3 Download

Music Credits
Owen Plant - Patchouli Sid

Resources
Map of the Assyrian  Empire during its two stages of expansion
All that's left of Ashur today (Google Maps)
UNESCO site for Ashur
Axehead of Adad-Nirari I (Louvre)
The Nimrud Prism
If you're interested in Akkadian cuneiform, here's a free Assyrian dictionary from Google!
Good list of many Assyrian inscriptions.
Ashurnasirpal in chariot, on a lion hunt
Drawing of Shalmaneser III receiving Jehu
Detail of the event on the obelisk

Phrygian cap 1
Phrygian cap 2
Phrygian cap 3

Painted wall of Tiglath-Pileser III
MAP: Assyrian Empire under Tiglath-Pileser III
Lamassu from Khorsabad - attributed to Sargon II
Sargon II
MAP: Sargon II's Assyrian Empire (with surrounding regions!)
Inscription of Sargon II - note the refugees with their bags...
Guardian: How Ukranian women saved the Samaritans of Mount Gerizim
Samaritan High Priest: 1905

21 - A Kingdom Divided

"And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the advice given him by the elders. He followed the advice of the young men and said,
'My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke. My father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions!'"
1 Kings 12:13-14

I'm sorry! I'll never have a vanilla milkshake with my ham sandwich again! Just not the Boo Box!
source: Hook 

By the way that Bible passage up top loses its wickedness when you realize that 'scorpions' refers to a type of whip similar to a cat o' nine tails. It's got knots throughout the throngs to better flay the skin than just a regular whip. Mmmhmm! FASCINATING. Alright anyway, sooooo just two kings were able to hold the kingdom of Israel and Judah together before the whole thing fell apart. I mean it's easy for us to use hindsight and point out what went wrong but really - what did you think was going to happen when you threatened the lives of half your subjects? Genius.

MP3 Download

Music Credits
Pharaoh's Daughter - Hagar

Resources
Territory of the two kingdoms and neighboring states
The Kurkh Monolith, referencing King Ahab's contribution to the coalition against Shalmaneser III
The Black Obelisk, depicting Jehu in submission to Shalmaneser III
Tel Al Rimah Stele, Adad-Nirari III referencing King Joash

20 - King Solomon

" 'Your servant is in the midst of your chosen people, a great many too numerous to count. Give me a discerning heart to judge your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern your great people?'
The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this and said unto him,
'Since you have asked for wisdom and not for long life or wealth or for the death your enemies I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart such as no one else has had or ever will!'"
1 Kings 3:6-12

It's a freakin King Solomon teddy bear! Look at his adorable scales!  It's like he's judging
whether to hug you or snuggle you!
(source: http://www.sunny-bears.com/inv/hermann+spielwaren/king-solomon-teddy-bear-19514-4.php)

Did you know that Solomon, known as Suleiman in the Quran, had a giant flying carpet, could communicate with animals, and knew how to control the djinn to do his bidding? THAT IS SO COOL. And so I present to you two Solomons. One proposes to chop babies in half to settle small court claims, the other flies around the Middle East essentially accompanied by genies. How many other world leaders can claim to be that awesome?

None. None leaders.

MP3 Download

Music Credits
Michael Levy - Shalom Chavarim

Resources

The many paintings of The Judgment of Solomon
Raphael
Valentin de Boulogne
Rubens (love the anachronistic dress!)
Giorgione (holding court outside? eh, whatever)
Dore

The complete Kebra Nagast - Amazing!!
An incredible depiction of the inner sanctum of Solomon's temple - note they didn't include the purple veil though.
Solomon's temple from the side
3D viewpoint complete with surrounding wall and courtyard
Another viewpoint of the temple
I have to say, I have NO idea what any of this means...but it was so interesting to me that I had to include it.
Evidence of Solomon's wall?
Solomon's Throne

The Queen of Sheba
Surprised to see a white Queen of Sheba? Curious as to why artists throughout the ages would make an Ethiopian queen pretty darn pale? Don't read too much into it, anachronism is fairly rampant in early art. There's no malicious intentions here, just a very narrow world view.
http://www.bonzasheila.com/art/archives/jun09/29.html
http://www.metmuseum.org/Collections/search-the-collections/70005862
Without knowing these two are Solomon and the Queen, one could be forgiven for assuming they're some English lord and lady. Again, in 1500 Strasbourg, Germany, I don't think they were deliberately imposing racism into their works. These people barely knew the value of soap, let alone the importance of ethnographic sensitivities.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Horse-sheba.jpg
Here we go! From an Ethiopian fresco, the Queen rides off with what is assumed to be St. George behind her. Note the clear Ethiopian/Southwest Arabian features. If you want to know what she probably looked like, here she is in all her stately beauty. Stunning!

19 - King David

"David sang, 'The Lord is my rock, my fortress in whom I take refuge. I called to him and I was saved from my enemies. Waves of death engulfed me, rivers of destruction assailed me, the ropes of Sheol entangled me, (and) the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the Lord and from his temple he heard my cry.'"

-2 Samuel 22:1-7

Who needs armor in battle when you've got a fancy new hat!
(source: Donatello's David)

David is the second of the Israelite kings and aside from an overly active libido, he's a LOT more stable than Saul, no offense big guy. Actually all things considered, David seems like a really fun guy to hang out with! Dancing, singing, drinking, he's the original party animal! It's a shame that so much stuff happens to him but such is the price famous historical people pay for being famous.


MP3 Download

Music Credits
Michael Levy - Hava Nagila

Resources
The Kingdom of Israel under David

18 - Samuel and Saul

"And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold! To obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken, than the fat of rams."
- 1 Samuel 15:22

Hey David, don't freak out...but there's a nasty spider on your back. I think I can get him!
source: Il Guercino Saul and David

You know, I kinda feel bad for Saul. The guy gets a bum rap in the Bible because he doesn't do things through the proper channels and behaves like...well, a king! Of course EVERYONE just loooves David, Mr. I'm so awesome with my Dennis the Menace slingshot, but does anyone ever thank Saul for his accomplishments? No! Guy sees one witch in Endor...yes the town was called Endor, and everyone hates you!
So from me to you Saul, I got your back man

MP3 Download

Music Credits
Michael Levy - Psalm 114 (Ancient Traditional Melody, c.2nd century CE)

Resources
Map of the Philistine Pentapolis
British Journal of Psychiatry: Diagnosing King Saul
David and Saul by Julius Kronberg
Samuel turning away from Saul...see how everyone's a jerk to him?

17 - Judges

"Speak, you that ride on white donkeys, you that sit in judgment and walk along the road.
Instead of the shouting of archers among the wells, there they laud the righteous acts of Jehova. The righteous acts of His rule over Israel.
Awake, awake, Deborah! Awake, awake, sing a song!
Arise, Barak, and lead your captives away!"
The Song of Deborah, Judges 5:10-12

What do you mean that's not the right Samson? Do YOU want to tell him that?
source: The Venture Bros.

L'Shana Tovah! That's Happy New Year in Hebrew! Which applies for the upcoming holiday. Of course, the real Jewish New Year is Rosh Hashanah and I'm pretty sure the saying applies there too...or you can just say Happy Rosh Hashanah...ok we're moving on.

The events of this episode revolve around the Books of Joshua and Judges, where the Israelites are getting comfortable in their new land and forcing out the previous inhabitants. Lotta fighting in this one too! If you're in the mood for a little storytime than this will be a good'un for you.

See you next year!

MP3 Download

Music Credit
Michael Levy - Firn Di Mekhutonim Aheym

Resources
Tribal Allotments of Israel. Good map!
Kingdoms around Israel. The map shows a divided Israelite nation, which won't happen until post-Solomon.
Ehud about to strike down Eglon
Deborah woodcut by Gustave Dore...but where's the palm tree?
Samson and Delilah by Guercino (note that she is depicted holding the scissors, when it's the soldiers who do the cutting!)
Medieval woodcut of Samson and Delilah (note again she's holding the scissors - but look at the anachronism! Samson looks like a weenie!)
The Blinding of Samson by Rembrandt

16 - Moses

"For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgement: I, Jehova. And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt. And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the Lord throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance forever."
Exodus 12:12-14

Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such movies as David vs. Super Goliath, and
Suddenly Last Supper!

I gotta tell ya, even though this episode is my longest one since Gilgamesh, I left out a LOT of stuff from the different books of Moses' life. That's how crazy his story is. You owe it to yourself to read more about one of history's most fascinating characters. Seriously.

Of course nobody knows if all this is true or not but just like last episode, it's pretty much irrelevant. It's still an amazing story and I hope you enjoy my take on it!

Update 12/22/2012: I'm testing out the SoundCloud widget on the blog! This is a far better way to listen to and share my content with everyone. Plus it just looks soooo much snazzier!

MP3 Direct Link


Music Credits
Michael Levy - V'Shamru (And They Shall Keep The Sabbath)

www.freesfx.co.uk

Resources
Book of Exodus - where much of today's episode comes from
Ten minutes is awfully long for a trailer...but I love that this clip still exists and in such great condition!
Michelangelo's Moses - Note the stubby horns!
Great map of the Exodus route, very detailed (use the top one)

15 - The Ancient Hebrews

"On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, "To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the river Euphrates, the land of the Kenites, the Kenizzites, the Kadmonites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Rephaim, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Girgashites and the Jebusites"
Genesis - 15:18-15:21

Family fun time circa 2000 BC

New episode! Huzzah! Are you ready to learn the history of the Ancient Israelites? Although this episode should really be filed more under sorta-history...but I'll explain all that in the show!

Also of course, a big thank you goes out to Michael Levy for allowing his music to be featured! You can find a link to his website, www.ancientlyre.com, on the upper left-hand corner of the page, and the link to today's song below!


MP3 Direct Link


Music Credits
Michael Levy - Noch Havdallah

Resources:

To be added soon!

*I'm aware that I make frequent references to the male characters giving birth to their sons in this episode. Physical limitations aside, I don't think it distracts too much from the story, but it irked me enough to write a sort of apology here for my poor word choice, revealing what I'm going to call my testostebias. Obviously Isaac didn't give birth to Jacob, his wife did...but, you know what I mean. I pledge that in all future episodes I will make sure to keep my biological functions gender correct.