25 - Prophets and Kings

As the holy one I recognized thee, Ahura Mazda, when Good Thought came to me and asked: "Who art thou? To whom dost thou belong? By what signs wilt thou appoint the days for questioning about thy possessions and thyself?"

I said to him: "To the first question, Zarathustra am I, a true foe to the Liar, to the utmost of my power, but a powerful support would I be to the Righteous, that I may attain the future things of the infinite Dominion, according as I praise and sing thee, o Mazda."

Ushtavaiti Gatha 43:7-8

The picture will make more sense when you listen to the episode...hopefully.
(source: icanhascheezburger.com by way of weruletheinternet.com)

I try not to use vague titles for my episodes because I want you to know exactly what you're in for when you listen to it, but Zarathustra and Cambyses just doesn't sound as cool as Prophets and Kings! Whatever, we'll all get through this somehow. Anyway, yes I know you've been staring at that tank cat for a while now and you're really interested to how it ties into the episode. Well why are you still reading this? Get downloading!

Also I apologize if I sound a bit stuffy in this episode. I'm coming off a head cold that knocked me off my feet this week. It was either delay the episode or be a trooper and do it. So I did! And honestly, it doesn't sound bad. Really. Trust me.


MP3 Download

Music Credits

http://persia.org/audio.html
Artist unknown! It's the sample called mojdeh2.wav

Resources
BBC Video and Robert Winston present: The Story of God (this part's all about Zoroastrianism)
Journeys to the ends of the Earth with David Adams: People of the Flame (I really liked this for the scenery and destinations he visits, but there's actually little on the Zoroastrians! Still, it's beautiful to watch!)
The whole Avesta, in three languages, plus many more Zoroastrian texts. What a fantastic resource!

King Cambyses at the Siege of Pelusium - Paul Marie Lenoir (mrrroowww!)
Have archaeologists found the remains of Cambyses' lost army?
The Inscription of Wedjahorresne (Udjahorresne)

Maps:
Balkh - the ancient city where Zarathustra supposedly died.
Pelusium today!
The Siwa Oasis - water and life is yours...if you can claim it before the desert claims you.

23 - Babylon and the Destruction of Judah

"So the Lord brought the king of Babylon against them. The Babylonians killed Judah's young men, even chasing after them into the Temple. They had no pity on the people, killing both young men and young women, the old and the infirm. God handed all of them over to Nebuchadnezzar."
2 Chronicles 36:17

Genocide, wanton destruction, forced exodus...somehow easier to stomach when it's two chubby babies fighting!
(source: Nebuchadnezzar fights Zedekiah, Zwiefalten Monastery; Germany) 

This is it! Our last episode with the ancient Hebrews! Everything is coming together here, and while great empires are battling it out, tiny Judah is struggling to survive. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's not looking good. Oh shoot, the title is one big spoiler. Nuts! Ok, ok, umm ignore the title and look at this medieval picture of an angel saving Jerusalem from Sennacherib. Yay they win! Nothing bad ever happens again in Jerusalem!
...
sigh.

MP3 Download


Music Credits
Premium Music: Epic Cinematic Orchestral Oriental Arabic Middle East Impressive Cultures Theme Soundtrack

Resources
Sennacherib relief
Good illustration of the famous Assyrian siege engine
The earthen ramp built by the Assyrians at Lachish
BRILLIANT site for primary sources used here.
Another excellent website, with lots of pictures and primary sources!
The ruins of Nineveh (Google Maps)
Ishtar Gate built by Nebuchadnezzar
Cylinder of Nebuchadnezzar
A little New Yorker cartoon to smile about after the episode ;)

16 - Moses

"For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgement: I, Jehova. And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt. And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the Lord throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance forever."
Exodus 12:12-14

Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such movies as David vs. Super Goliath, and
Suddenly Last Supper!

I gotta tell ya, even though this episode is my longest one since Gilgamesh, I left out a LOT of stuff from the different books of Moses' life. That's how crazy his story is. You owe it to yourself to read more about one of history's most fascinating characters. Seriously.

Of course nobody knows if all this is true or not but just like last episode, it's pretty much irrelevant. It's still an amazing story and I hope you enjoy my take on it!

Update 12/22/2012: I'm testing out the SoundCloud widget on the blog! This is a far better way to listen to and share my content with everyone. Plus it just looks soooo much snazzier!

MP3 Direct Link


Music Credits
Michael Levy - V'Shamru (And They Shall Keep The Sabbath)

www.freesfx.co.uk

Resources
Book of Exodus - where much of today's episode comes from
Ten minutes is awfully long for a trailer...but I love that this clip still exists and in such great condition!
Michelangelo's Moses - Note the stubby horns!
Great map of the Exodus route, very detailed (use the top one)

14 - The New Kingdom Part 2: This means war

"The Great King, the king of Egypt, son of Re, Ramses beloved of Amen, speaks thus. Speak thus to the queen of the land of Hatti, the great Queen Puduhepa: Behold, I, your brother, am well. My houses, my sons, my armies, my horses, my chariots and everything in my lands, are very well. May you, my sister, be well! May your houses, your sons, your armies, your horses, your chariots, your nobles, and everything in your land be very well! 
Speak thus to my sister: The great King, the king of the land of Hatti, has written to me thus: Let the people come and pour sweet-smelling oil on my daughter's head and let her be taken to the house of the Great King, the king of Egypt, my brother. Behold! My brother has written thus to me. This decision my brother has made known to me is wonderful. The Sun God has approved of him. The Weather God has approved of him. And the gods of Egypt and the gods of Hatti have approved of him for making this excellent decision to unite two great lands forever..."
- From a letter to Queen Puduhepa of the Hittites from Ramesses II of Egypt

source: The Simpsons
I imagine this how Ramesses II used to behave as a child

The New Kingdom wraps up with this episode! This is one for all you military buffs out there, as we take a detailed look into history's oldest recorded battle, the Battle of Kadesh. Get out your armchairs, generals, and prepare for war! 

MP3 Direct Link

Music Credits
Experimental Sample - Middle East

Resources

Nice map of the Hittite Empire

Kadesh today - Notice its geographical importance!
Map of where the Hittite and Egyptian empires meet...Kadesh is right in the middle.
Bedouin spies being interrogated. Neat!

These three images come from Wikipedia and I think they do an excellent job explaining the stages of the battle
Stage 1
Stage 2
Stage 3

Ramesses driving the Hittites into the river.
Hittites helping their drowning brethren out of the river.
Ooo color!
History Channel's Decisive Battles: Kadesh - fun show using the Rome: Total War engine to simulate battles. Watch it to gain a better understanding!
Hattusa today (Google Maps)
Ramesses the Great...today. Look on my works ye mighty...

13 - The New Kingdom Part I: Prophets and Pharaohs

"I have started an undertaking, and for this reason I write to my brother (Akhenaten). My brother should send me much gold, that I need for my work. But the gold that my brother sends me, do not leave it to some official. Let the eyes of my brother inspect it, and let my brother seal it and send it! Because as far as the previous gold is concerned, which my brother did not inspect personally, but which was sealed and sent by an official of my brother, of the 40 mines which I put in the furnace, there was barely anything of value left."
- Letter from King Burnaburiash of Babylon to Akhenaten 

source: SNL
King Tut was a wild and crazy guy HOW COULD I NOT INCLUDE THIS PICTURE

The New Kingdom! The newest of kingdoms! It doesn't get any newer than this!
Episode 13 is the first part of our look into this busy time in Egyptian history. If you want a detail dense episode, here you go!

MP3 Direct Link

Music Credits
John Gilliat - Sands of Egypt
Almanac Newsreels

Resources
The god Amun
Amenhotep I
Amenhotep I: Sarcophagus and Mummy
Relief of Thutmose I
Map of the Egyptian Empire
Family tree of the Thutmosids (yes it's a word!).
Temple of Hatshepsut
Hatshepsut 1
Hatshepsut 2
Thutmose III and Hatshepsut (note how he's on the left, FOLLOWING her)
Hatshepsut as a sphinx...look at her adorable ears!! Awwww
Hatshepsut's image has been chiseled out...
The head of Thutmose III
Thutmose III at Luxor Museum
Map of the nearby empires. Note the contested are of the Mitanni and Egyptians
Fanciful painting of Thutmose III in chariot
Nice aerial view of Megiddo

You're now going to look at the depictions of Akhenaten and wonder...whoa...why does he look like that? Many have wondered the same thing, and naturally they assume he was an alien emissary from Aten, who is really a space god or something. Or he had some horrible malformed disease.

The truth is that he is shown combining masculine and feminine features as a way to tell Egypt, I am father and mother. The creator is not of one gender but encompasses both. It's not unheard of, just look up Hapi for a reference.
He also has one of the coolest faces in history.

Akhenaten 1
Akhenaten 2
Akhenaten 3
Akhenaten 4
Worshiping the Aten
Akhenaten and the Aten
Nefertiti
King Tutankhamun's Mask
Tut's Mummy
Tut and his wife, Anhkesenamun...just gorgeous

12 - The Hyksos OR The REAL Egyptian Aliens

The messenger then told him: "It is King Apepi, life, prosperity and health to him, who has sent me to you in order to say, 'Let there be a withdrawal from the canal of hippopotamuses which lies at the east of the City, because they don't let sleep come to me either in the daytime or at night, for the noise of them is in his citizen' ears."
Then the Prince of the Southern City became stupified for so long a while that he became unable to render a reply to the messenger of King Apepi, life prosperity and health to him.
-The Quarrel of Apepi and Seqenenre

The fearsome Hyksos invaders...my god...even the children have pointy sticks!

It's really frustrating when you've been taught one set of facts and then the experts come out and say no, no THESE are the new facts! I don't have time to have my engrained belief system challenged! I'm a busy guy with an EXTREMELY busy schedule! I'm talking about the Hyksos of course, and we'll talk about that a bit in this episode.

Also a tremendous THANK YOU to those who have so generously donated moneys to the show. My new car thanks you. Just kidding! I can now afford to keep putting out weekly episodes without breaking my upload limit. But I'll let everyone in on my new goal...
See, finding royalty free music for the show is tough, because I'm sort of limited to the free stuff. Which has been great so far! I mean, I think it's great at least. But it's a lot of work finding era specific music. But here's where my new idea comes in. Magnatune.com is, like, the most amazing music site on the internet and the best part is they are not evil! What do I mean by that? Welp, say I purchase a lifetime membership to their website, I think it's about 250. What that means is that I have access to all their music, forever, for the podcast. As much as I want. And they've got a LOT of world music, especially stuff that I'm looking into for the short term. I'm not about to start launching a fundraiser just to meet this goal but I am looking into ways to pay for it.

I don't know, what do you think of the idea? Does everyone like the music being played each episode? Drop me a line!

MP3 Direct Link



Music Credits
Gerald Jay - Egyptian Shaman

Resources
Hyksos Map 1
Hyksos Map 2
Hyksos Map 3
Papyrus painting of Egyptian chariot archer (Note: Not in use yet!)
Egyptian chariot
Mummy of Seqenenre Taa the Brave **WARNING** It's pretty gruesome! Don't blame me if you don't like it...
Sarcophagus of Kamose. Ooo spooky!
Kamose Stela
Statue head of Ahmose

11 - The Middle Kingdom OR Ken "Sekhmet" Burns presents the Egyptian Civil War

"O my son, Sesostris, may your legs walk; you are my own heart, and my eyes watch you. You were born in an hour of happiness in the presence of the sun-folk, and they give you praise...The kingship came into being in my presence, and there are none who could achieve my deeds of valor.
-The teachings of Amenemhat

source: Anakaris of Darkstalkers
I have to say, pharaohs would be much cooler if they were 8 foot tall mummy gods.

By the name of Remi the Weeper, whose fishy tears fertilize the land, it's time for another episode! We'll be taking a look at a rough time in Egyptian history, which segues into an even rougher time! Rough stuff.

Also after I was done making the episode I realized that the Egyptian word nomes, which are the provinces of Egypt, is pronounced exactly like gnomes. Haha..ha...bear with me I've got a cold right now and I'm on a lot of medicine. Wheeeeee.

New Header Pic:
Temples at Abu Simbel

MP3 Direct Link



Music Credits
Celestial Aeon Project - Desert Village

Resources
The different nomes of Ancient Egypt (note that some cities are missing and that Alexandria and Cairo, which are presented here, don't exist yet)
Pepi II as a little baby boy king
Mentuhotep II Relief
Mentuhotep II statue
Three statues of Senusret III...notice how gaunt and serious he looks...also notice his big ears. Subtle hint that he hears ALL as king.

10 - The Old Kingdom OR Pyramid Power Preserves Provisions Perfectly!

Listen all of you! The priest of Hathor will beat twice any one of you who enters this tomb or does harm to it.

The gods will confront him because I am honored by his Lord.

The gods will not allow anything to happen to me.

Anyone who does anything bad to my tomb, then the crocodile, the hippopotamus and the lion will eat him.

-Inscription on the tomb of a man named Petety at the Giza necropolis

source: Ducktales
(This is what happens when you solve a mystery or rewrite history folks.)

Episode 10! I've made it to the double digits! Alright, this time around we take a look at the era of the pyramid builders and blow the lid off how they were built. Also in a shameless display of self promotion, have you checked out the Twitter page yet? You should! Because don't you want to be connected to this podcast on EVERY SINGLE MEDIA FORMAT?

Actually don't answer that. Just keep being awesome and listening to the episodes.

MP3 Direct Link


Music Credits
Little Red King - Rain in the Desert

Resources
Statue of Djoser
Statue of Seated Imhotep
Fantastic site for numerous depictions of Djoser's Step Pyramid
Buried Pyramid of Sekhemkhet
Meidum, or the collapsed pyramid of Huni
Bent Pyramid of Sneferu
Red Pyramid of Sneferu
The Great Pyramid
Essay by Dr. Hawass describing his find of the Great Pyramid workers.
NOVA - "This Old Pyramid" a MUST watch.
Interview with Mythbusters Kari Byron on Pyramid Power...in case you didn't know, pyramids magically preserve food and sharpen razors. Yep.
Civilization IV - Building the Great Pyramid (i LOVE this clip)

9 - Egypt OR De'nile ain't just an overused joke!

"Do not stand up against me,

Do not witness against me,

Do not oppose me in tribunal,

Do not incline against me."

- Heart Scarab c.Middle Kingdom found near Nebankh

source: Sam and Max : Surfin' the Highway

(Careful ancient Egyptians! Don't get too close to Max's face!)

We're feeling fine with episode nine! After a two week delay comes our first foray into the exciting and mysterious world of the ancient Egyptians! While the Sumerians were digging mud pits and eking out an existence in a swamp, the Egyptians were kicking back in the paradise of the Nile river. Only problem? Constant attacks from evil mummies, alien gods and wololo priests!



MP3 Direct Link

Music Credits:

http://www.freestockmusic.com
http://www.playonloop.com/

Resources

Google Maps right over Egypt. Take a look!
An EXTENSIVE collection of ancient Egyptian texts and passages...an internet treasure trove.
A comprehensive collection of Badarian artifacts and sites. So cool.
Good little blurb about makeup.
The Osiris Myth. Bet you didn't know about a certain body part being cut off, did you?
Scorpion macehead.
And a closeup of the macehead. Note the scorpion insignia.
The Narmer Palette.
Crisp drawing of the Narmer Palette.
Narmer's catfish insignia!
The Palermo Stone
White Crown of Upper Egypt (Hedjet)
Red Crown of Lower Egypt (Deshret)
The Double Crown (Pschent)
The Nemes Headdress
Various hypothesized rules of Senet
Yes, the creators of Lost could have went with checkers or chess, but nooo we have to be different and use a board game no one's ever heard of! What!? I'm not bitter after all these years!