December 31, 2012

17 - Judges

"Speak, you that ride on white donkeys, you that sit in judgment and walk along the road.
Instead of the shouting of archers among the wells, there they laud the righteous acts of Jehova. The righteous acts of His rule over Israel.
Awake, awake, Deborah! Awake, awake, sing a song!
Arise, Barak, and lead your captives away!"
The Song of Deborah, Judges 5:10-12
What do you mean that's not the right Samson? Do YOU want to tell him that?
source: The Venture Bros.
L'Shana Tovah! That's Happy New Year in Hebrew! Which applies for the upcoming holiday. Of course, the real Jewish New Year is Rosh Hashanah and I'm pretty sure the saying applies there too...or you can just say Happy Rosh Hashanah...ok we're moving on.

The events of this episode revolve around the Books of Joshua and Judges, where the Israelites are getting comfortable in their new land and forcing out the previous inhabitants. Lotta fighting in this one too! If you're in the mood for a little storytime than this will be a good'un for you.

See you next year!

MP3 Download

Music Credit
Michael Levy - Firn Di Mekhutonim Aheym

Tribal Allotments of Israel. Good map!
Kingdoms around Israel. The map shows a divided Israelite nation, which won't happen until post-Solomon.
Ehud about to strike down Eglon
Deborah woodcut by Gustave Dore...but where's the palm tree?
Samson and Delilah by Guercino (note that she is depicted holding the scissors, when it's the soldiers who do the cutting!)
Medieval woodcut of Samson and Delilah (note again she's holding the scissors - but look at the anachronism! Samson looks like a weenie!)
The Blinding of Samson by Rembrandt

December 19, 2012

Woo hoo! Recognition!

I knew about it last week, but I just received a nice official email from iTunes today congratulating the podcast on being chosen as one of the best new podcasts of 2012! Initially I thought that this accomplishment would be followed by Spanish galleons laden with plundered gold, but then I read the fine print (you gotta read the fine print.)

On the plus side I get to display this cool new badge on the site! Which I will! Right now!

Now let's talk about when the next episode is coming out. I'm off next week so HOPEFULLY I'll be able to spend lots of time making episode 17, where we'll take a look at the Israelites earliest leaders, the Judges! I'm shooting for next Friday but if I don't make it don't be mad! Well, ok, you can be mad, just don't be Samson mad and tear down the internet in your rage.

Well anyway, just wanted to share this bit of news for anyone who hadn't heard about it yet. (I'm looking at you people who haven't joined the Facebook group yet!!!) All this is made possible because of my awesome listeners! So thanks for sticking with me and spreading the word. Just think, when we're on episode 200 which I'll be broadcasting from Carnegie Hall, we'll all look back on this and be like, I remember when he only had 16 episodes! 

But...that was before Q'uq'umatz ushered in the new baktun and brought with him an infestation of couatls! Get the fly swatters out!

December 18, 2012

16 - Moses

"For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgement: I, Jehova. And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt. And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the Lord throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance forever."
Exodus 12:12-14
Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such movies as David vs. Super Goliath, and
Suddenly Last Supper!
I gotta tell ya, even though this episode is my longest one since Gilgamesh, I left out a LOT of stuff from the different books of Moses' life. That's how crazy his story is. You owe it to yourself to read more about one of history's most fascinating characters. Seriously.

Of course nobody knows if all this is true or not but just like last episode, it's pretty much irrelevant. It's still an amazing story and I hope you enjoy my take on it!

Update 12/22/2012: I'm testing out the SoundCloud widget on the blog! This is a far better way to listen to and share my content with everyone. Plus it just looks soooo much snazzier!

MP3 Direct Link

Music Credits
Michael Levy - V'Shamru (And They Shall Keep The Sabbath)

Book of Exodus - where much of today's episode comes from
Ten minutes is awfully long for a trailer...but I love that this clip still exists and in such great condition!
Michelangelo's Moses - Note the stubby horns!
Great map of the Exodus route, very detailed (use the top one)

December 10, 2012

15 - The Ancient Hebrews

"On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, "To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the river Euphrates, the land of the Kenites, the Kenizzites, the Kadmonites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Rephaim, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Girgashites and the Jebusites"
Genesis - 15:18-15:21
Family fun time circa 2000 BC

New episode! Huzzah! Are you ready to learn the history of the Ancient Israelites? Although this episode should really be filed more under sorta-history...but I'll explain all that in the show!

Also of course, a big thank you goes out to Michael Levy for allowing his music to be featured! You can find a link to his website,, on the upper left-hand corner of the page, and the link to today's song below!

MP3 Direct Link

Music Credits
Michael Levy - Noch Havdallah


To be added soon!

*I'm aware that I make frequent references to the male characters giving birth to their sons in this episode. Physical limitations aside, I don't think it distracts too much from the story, but it irked me enough to write a sort of apology here for my poor word choice, revealing what I'm going to call my testostebias. Obviously Isaac didn't give birth to Jacob, his wife did...but, you know what I mean. I pledge that in all future episodes I will make sure to keep my biological functions gender correct.

December 9, 2012

Enough about me, let's talk about me

Oh hey, how's it going? Yeah I'm doing pretty good. Just finished editing the script for episode 15, gonna record tomorrow, probably gonna crack open a bear, kick back a little.


Well longtime friend of the blog, the absurdly talented Mady G. was able to create this masterpiece of yours truly, surrounded by the miscellanea of history, fully serious about this grave undertaking on which I have embarked.

If you also think this is amazing you should check out Mady's website at and see more incredible cartoons and illustrations.

Now I gotta relax with a fresh bubble pipe. Check back tomorrow for a new episode!